On Becoming a Person

(title swiped from Rogers' book)

"Man will become better when you show him what he is like."
-Anton Chekhov

Carl Rogers became known as one of greatest psychologists of the 20th century when he developed client-centered therapy, and a personality theory. He "was able to demystify therapy" by concentrating on the relationship between the client and the counselor. Sometimes his method is overlooked or dismissed in its deceptive simplicity.

Rogers' starting point was that we have an "actualizing tendency." We need to fulfill our inborn potential. Self-actualization is achieved by the fully functioning person, who "is completely defense-free, open to experience, creative and able to live "the good life"." This is the ideal condition for any human being.

Rogers believed people grow more trustworthy when their experiences and feelings are respected and validated. In a chapter about facilitating learning (his version of teaching), Rogers wrote this about cherishing the student as "a separate person":

"What we are describing is a prizing of the learner as an imperfect human being with many feelings, many potentialities. The facilitator’s prizing or acceptance of the learner is an operational expression of his essential confidence and trust in the capacity of the human organism." [emphasis mine]

Please note how this contrasts with the hermeneutics of suspicion. Freud would be appalled. I find it refreshing. Trust can be achieved only when the facilitator is genuine. "He can be enthusiastic, he can be bored, he can be interested in students, he can be angry, he can be sensitive and sympathetic." When the facilitator validates their own emotions, it allows the student/client to understand their feelings will also be accepted. In The Fall, Camus wrote:

“Men are never convinced of your reasons, of your sincerity, of the seriousness of your sufferings, except by your death. So long as you are alive, your case is doubtful; you have a right only to their skepticism.”

Rogers overthrows Camus' despair simply by acknowledging another's suffering, joy, doubts, and desires. He termed it unconditional positive regard. Contrasting with this is conditional positive regard, when a person's sense of value is entangled in the opinions of others. Socially imposed conditions of worth cause a person to be defensive, easily manipulated, and unsatisfied in life.

Unconditional positive regard is often mistaken for unconditional approval of a person's actions. My psychology class got upset and dismissed Rogers' entire approach because they thought it demands the actions of a pedophile or serial killer must be accepted and approved of as part of who they are. However, Rogers' theory does not require either the basic correctness of what we do, approval, or indifference to it. Instead he assumes the basic worth of every person, that each of us is worth an infinite number of chances.

One of Rogers' Nineteen Propositions states "Most of the ways of behaving that are adopted by the organism are those that are consistent with the concept of self." Rogers has the patience to not use force or coercion to fix people. Instead he puts in the necessary effort to help someone discover a new self-concept and change on their own. Being a serial killer is obviously not included in the definition of a fully-functioning person. The client's change in action results indirectly from Rogers method of granting people existence. Rogers believed we are inherently good, and that it will prove itself when we are allowed the chance to thrive. He willed people to be.

Elanor's dad defines love as "willing another being to exist to the fullest extent possible." Rogers' theory may seem foolish or naive, but remember: love has never been understood well.