Horace translations

[imitations, I should say, from unfortunately difficult English versions I didn't know better before using]

Odes, 1.33 Albi, ne doleas plus nimio memor

Cheer up, Albius. She’s a whore
who left you for a younger man, and isn’t
worth losing your voice over.

Besides, you’re not the only one unloved:

Lycoris likes Cyrus, Cyrus likes Pholoe,
Pholoe’s angry at the whole world.
She’s like a goddamn wolf, that woman.

Don’t blame your ex, it’s Venus’ fault.
As a heartless joke she sets up couples
who have absolutely nothing in common.

I’m lucky: Myrtale lets me buy her stuff,
and I like her pretty well – but I got to say,
her bad moods hit like a tidal wave.


Odes, 3.26 Vixi puellis nuper idoneus

Before I wasn’t ready for love,
and was too good at fighting.

I’m past all that, putting away
my weapons where they can rust.

Venus has got it out for me though,
is breaking down my doors

with crowbars and artillery.
If this is love, it’s terrible.

Do me a favor and slap
that haughty bitch in the face.